Photo illustration by Slate. Subscribe to the Dear Prudence Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. He was the best person Ive ever talked to. Write down what a manipulator looks like and how it differs from real love. The world is ripe for online scams, and anyone is a potential targetvictims can be of any age, any gender and any sexual orientation. With the surge in social media and online dating over the last decade, catfishing has become more common than ever. They keep their responses generic and are intentionally vague so you cant detect outright lies. Oh, boy. Dear Prudence, My in-law has severe mental health issues and a history of violent behaviors, stalking, and delusions. Do you stop manipulating him and stop lying to him and yourself? Widows, widowers and lonely singles tend to fall for this. Dear Prudence,When our father died, all three of his children inherited equal shares of his house. In other words: There are a handful of reasons someone might catfish you. I feel like Im too far to turn back now. He wants to meet up soon but thats obviously not possible. 5. Still, they never met in person. If you have the inclination to manipulate, next time tell the guy you are manipulating him - writers and actors and magicians totally get away with that. Theyre trying to do the least amount of work possible., Unrealistic photos are another telltale sign. I catfished someone then fell in love - what do I do? I want to apologize, but Im afraid of the repercussions. A woman says that her friend is being catfished by someone claiming to be singer, songwriter, and superstar Omarion - and has given the scammer thousands of dollars. I created a fake profile using a photo of someone my same age but much more conventionally attractive. There are many possible warning signs for catfishing. I am going to be blunt. This past October, The Atlantic published a story called "A Catfishing With A Happy Ending" and it's pretty unbelievable. I know there are ways for me to contact himI still remember his last namebut I do not know if I could ever do it. Bottom line: Dont click on links in messages. Their goal often is merely to create an online persona to attract people they feel wouldnt be interested in them in real life. He does not have to accept this, but neither do you need to accept his nonacceptance of it. The catfish will make the victim fall in love with them, with fake pictures and stories about how great they and their lives are. In the context of the dating industry, however, this work has a slightly different meaning. Needless to say, the use of stolen pictures online is an even more serious sign of malicious intent than using stock, professional photos. After falling helplessly in love with a beautiful girl he believed to be named Trinity, he had grown frustrated over the classic catfish signs the biggest one being that Trinity was never able to video chat. The catfishers promptly disappeared.. Catfish, in each season, solves several such cases where one person in a long-distance social media relationship is loyal while the other is quite . Discover short videos related to i catfished someone and fell in love on TikTok. Being able to listen actively, empathize, and respond effective. Even if they are their real photos, its probable someones trying to lure you in with excessively flattering pictures. 144 Likes, 3 Comments - (@olina.splichalova) on Instagram: " Find someone who wants to invest in you, see you win, support your vision and fall in love with" 'I'd never. I feel like maybe i am going to be like this, always the other woman, im not proud of it, im deeply ashamed of this. It's not because you want to protect him. But what is this dangerous practice of catfishing youve heard so much about exactly? Sharing on Reddit, a 22-year-old man from Las Vegas said he started. Sorry from someone that has had this happen to them, it doesnt feel good finding out your not who you say you are. Theyll tell you they live outside of Boston but wont give you an exact town, or they might tell you the city where they (supposedly) went to college but not the name of the school. Its best to ignore and delete these. . But hes asked me to help out with money and a new phone. Tell the truth and deal with the consequences. But I am exhausted. Although we have never met, I believe Gary was my first love. Prohibitions against fishing within 100 yards of dams that were put into place temporarily after 9-11 have been lifted; however, both agencies are vigilant about watching for suspicious activities and enforcing all regulations. They pretend to want the same things out of a relationship that you do because they are trying to gain your trust so that they can rob you of your money, Trombetti says. How do I extricate myself from this mess? Now, you might rightfully ask yourself: why is it called catfishing? Do they usually involve other members of your family? No one judged me. (Questions may be edited.) When you catfish someone, you get the person to fall for you and decide to be with you by presenting them with pictures and videos that aren't yours. We havent met up yet despite four months of talking, but that isnt out of the ordinary in these strange times due to COVID. Since the catfish is the natural enemy of the cod, itd chase the fish around constantly, keeping it fresh, active, and better-tasting. Now, its possible (aliens are also possible) that this person has grown to truly care about and love you such that if you show up after months of passionate phone calls looking completely different and with no interest in partying, they may be able to overcome that. Her family urges her to start looking for another partner, but . Don't deliberately pick fights with him to get out of things. My sister is pissed about this. Danny Lavery is off this week. 12 months is a really long time to be lying to someone and by keeping the lie, you're just making things worse. Their bodies wont be shredded, ripped and perfectly tanned, with all their pictures looking like they were taken on location by a professional film crew. Leave the room! Do I keep lying? They keep you guessing.. In terms of gaslighting, you told a single, brief, instinctual lie out of fear he would harass your team, which is very forgivable. Finally, the women succumbed and agreed to the relationship. But unlike most, I have actually been in a similar situation. After a few months of talking on the phone every single day, he told me that he was in love with me, and he trusted me so much he wanted to tell me about his ex-girlfriend. In most cases, catfish use photos of an attractive person and use them, as well as the appealing but imaginary personality to make a victim fall in love. No online presence (on other platforms), 8. Then there is the common financial incentive: many catfishers end up scamming their victims for money. What can I do? It didnt work, so I told my parents I was receiving unwanted calls, and they had my number changed. Do you have a specific question about catfishing you want answered straight away? The next day I woke up with over 50 friend requests, from both guys and girls around my fake age and in my city. Despite the priciness, its good to know that such services exist for people who need them. I would say run like hell and encourage them to grieve, and also to remember theyre grieving for a person who never really existed. I would do this first before doing anything else. He was around 19 years old and was super cute, with these amazing hazel and green eyes. I thought something was wrong when he would ask me about things I didnt discuss with him but had searched for online. Check out our frequently asked questions about this topic down below. Love CONFESSION. Please try again. To this end, the catfisher generally uses made-up stories and fake photos to support their fake identity. Our relationship has basically boiled over to a point I dont see it getting repaired. Or they stole photos from someone and are catfishing you. Describe how you'll sissify me so I might actually serve a purpose! Im a female, and I ended up matching with this guy. I didnt tell him I had used fake pictures. These are just a few ways to determine if you are being catfished but the first step is trying to avoid it being done to you. But I cant let that happen because she has stopped helping with anything around the house, from taking care of our animals (two cats and two dogs), cooking (when I was working from home, I had to make sure she ate, and now that Im not home, she has stopped eating during the day), cleaning, doing any of the shoppingone of us has to stay OK. Have you ever been scammed, tricked, or manipulated by a person who has presented themselves as someone they're not -- especially posing as someone else on the internet. You can simply use Google reverse image search to find similar pictures like the one used by your (potential) catfisher and find out where they come from. I could be the person I was on the inside with these people because they didnt care. This made me feel extremely guiltyI was doing the same exact thing his ex had done. But often its the first step in a phishing scheme to steal personal information or a romance scam to trick you out of money.. He wants to meet up soon but that's obviously not possible. I plan on going away to college and putting this all behind me. Three, my wifes drinking has been an issue really since we first started dating but got bad about two years ago, and the reason is that I had an emotional affairI fell in love with someone else, though nothing physical happenedso I feel responsible for both her excessive drinking and her negative self-thoughts. Needless to say, Instagram is a very visually orientated profile. The signals of Instagram catfishing are quite similar to other types of catfishing. But something shady is going on if they refuse to tell you their last name or have a nonexistent social media presence, Sassoon says. By Anonymous May 28, 2018. It got dicey when you decided to double down on the lie and got the whole family involved with it. You can manage your newsletter subscriptions at any time. Maybe. Four years and a whole lot of renovations later, I am in a position to sell it for a pretty penny. You may have heard of the movie ' Catfish ' (opens in a new tab). When I was being catfished I dropped the chance to get back with with my daughters mom to be with my catfish also the dropped the chance to be with my highschool sweetheart which was really big moment to pick "Amanda" my catfish over her and that's when I really knew I had fallen in love with my catfish. I felt guilty and ugly. If I felt you were coming from a place of more stable mental health and readiness, I might tell you to send them an actual photo of yourself, come clean, and put the ball in their court. Read this article to find out what they are. Ive woken up to find him holding my phone, scrolling through my messages. Because you are the one who has written to me, I believe you need to do some serious, serious work on yourself before you are capable of being in a truthful, emotionally mature romantic relationship with another person. He left me voicemails and texts asking me why and what he had done. We texted constantly, then moved to phone calls. Its best to learn how to manage your privacy on Tinder to prevent opportunistic catfishers. If you did click a link, beef up your. As such, catfish often create many fake profiles, either one after another or simultaneously. While the relationship was not long by. Catfishing is when someone sets up a fake online profile to trick people who are looking for love, usually to get money out of them. One, I dont want to abandon someone when they are obviously in a dark place, and I fear what she would do if I were to leave. This is just one of many Instagram scams you should know about. I used my real name and my real city in the biography, but I added a couple years to my age. Often, the perpetrator will ask the victim for money, using a crafty fake story. After all, even their voice could expose information they dont want you to know, such as them being a man instead of a woman or vice versa. Not all catfishing arises from malicious intent. A catfish sets out to trick you into a romantic relationship. She has stated many times she doesnt know what she would do without me and how she feels desperate to keep me. I know you cant afford therapy right now, but I would look through CBT and potentially DBT workbooks online and see if you can work on reacting differently to these feelings of worthlessness and the need to trade up, and how to build your self-esteem. Or do you continue one way or another? He has been arrested for trespassing at the houses of publishers and literary agents and sending harassing, threatening messages. Maybe their name is a very common one, so its hard to Google them and find out if theyre really who they say they are., If your new beau is sharing photos of his dog but something about them seems off, trust your gut. January 16, 2013, 2:46 PM. Then Cedar Landing (my favorite fried fish and catfish) place was taken out by Harvey. I have no idea. Although it can hurt the people who fall in love with a catfishers fabricated persona, its not inherently malicious when someone catfishes to try on a new sexual identity or sexual preferences. I fell in love with someone I later found out was my second cousin but part of me is still in love with them. A catfish uses fake photos, and sometimes a false persona, to find friends or. Five years later, I still think about Gary every single day. If the photo belongs to another person, you may meet a catfish. Go to the bathroom! What does Catfished mean in dating? They agreed that what I did was the best response, because he wouldnt accept Id prefer not to divulge that information as an answer. This will hurt him a lot but it minimizes the confusion. Contents. She responded though with a simple few words "I don't know what to say." and that truly broke me.. Can you please tell me if Im the crazy one here? They will only communicate with you through text messages, pictures and social media. Ask yourself: Why does that successful businessman you just met on Facebook not have a LinkedIn page to promote his company, or even to look for new partnerships and recruits? All I want is peace, to feel able to relax, but I feel like I am a babysitter/caretaker. If he doesn't match your profile, what will you do then? My brother told me to drop the subject. Report. 1. Block 'friends' you met through them too. The damages resulting from catfishing are also enormous: about $605,000,000 in 2020. But unlike most, I have actually been in a similar situation. There is a possibility that the red flags might outnumber the greens. Moreover, Social Catfishs search results are generally very extensive. When it comes to online dating, anyone who seems too good to be true generally is. With your sister, you just have to say, Weve already discussed this, and I bought your share out four years ago at above-market rates and then refuse to engage. And asked him to video chat and he said his phone is messed up. PLAYING games online one day, a man thought he had fallen in love, only to realise 7 months later - he had been catfished. Some people catfish just because they feel theyre getting very limited romantic attention. 00:00 / 00:00. Gary told me his last girlfriend had lied to him and told him she was 17. I added my real MySpace account as a friend on this new one, and when I logged out, I had one friend. . You do not have to alter your reasonable boundary because someone keeps hacking away at it. You have to break up with your current, long-term-heading-toward-marriage partner. They live in a different state, and youre in love with someone else. In 2012, the idea of finding love online was still seen as a bit 'weird'. Can you please tell me if Im the crazy one here. We exchanged phone numbers a few weeks after talking and started to text, but since I only had 250 texts a month, we started having nightly phone calls. We became friends but soon after it turned into something more. Write down what you should have demanded from this relationship that could have saved your frustration. In the New York Times, Mandy Len Catron, wrote about . I met him on Facebook. Photo by Tero Vesalainen/iStock/Getty Images Plus. You bought them out! Help! Thats untrue. 1. Is your question not there? Once the catfish obtains the victims trust, they might ask the victim for money. Submit your story to Her Story! Her drinking, which was a problem before the quarantine, has gotten out of control. I lied to him and told him I was going to school in California and moving away in a few weeks. Many times in these states, shes become verbally abusive, screaming fuck you at me or calling me namesthis she usually doesnt remember the next day, or says she doesnt. And thats the last thing you want to be involved in.. Again, the actual amount (unreported cases included) is likely much higher. What hurts is my brother has admitted he isnt happy about the situation and thinks it is unfair. I got angry and asked him if it was fair that I paid the taxes, redid the bathroom, and took out loans for the restoration? I Catfished A Guy (& We Fell In Love) | Her Campus / Unsplash Sex + Relationships I Catfished A Guy (& We Fell In Love) July 19, 2015 Anonymous Author Like many people, on Wednesday nights I eagerly turned on MTV to watch Catfish. Im worried that Im being ableist, but his transgressions are on record, in the family *and* the news, and they are severe. Our father would have wanted his grandchildren provided for. Tell him the truth. So they usually dont take the time to edit and Photoshop the images expertly. Hes got an accent also. Therefore, we offer you some steps to go through if youre a catfishing victim below. Definitely be careful! The temptation will be strong for you revive your catfish identity and contact him again because you miss him. Would I tell this person you catfished them? After being blindsided by her boyfriend, her broken heart was in need of repairing. 155 Likes, 1 Comments - Deepak (@deepak_digital_studio) on Instagram: "It's never too late to start over, find your bliss and fall in love with someone that makes you" According to Dictionary, a catfish is a person who deceives someone else online by putting on a fake identity or by creating a fake profile. I wanted to talk guys with a face that was likeable I guess. The romantic attention is either used to siphon money from an unassuming lover or because they have self-esteem issues and just want romantic attention from someone, explains cybersecurity expert Peter Strahan, founder and CEO of Dublin-based IT support company Lantech. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Hackers can do plenty of damage with your email address, 31 Surprising Food Facts Youll Want to Know, If Someone Asks You to Do Me a Favor Over Email, Dont Respond, The 3 Most Common LinkedIn Scams and How to Spot Them, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Catfishing is impersonating an individual by using someone's photos without permission, and usually targeting a specific victim due to a romance interest, whether it be for a harsh joke, or intentionally hurting someone's feelings. They may use the excuse of being in a different time zone.. Take a look at our overview of the most trustworthy, fast, and safe VPN services. Don't suddenly disappear into nowhere. Catfishing is a dangerous form of online deception where someone pretends to be a different person than they actually are. Catfishing means pretending to be someone else to deceive someone into wanting a romantic relationship with the pretender. Some people catfish just because they feel they're getting very limited romantic attention. Often, they wont even accept a regular call (without video). He was extremely upset because he had been so honest with her while she had been deceiving him throughout their relationship. Proceed with caution. Sometimes the catfisher sends a direct message, hoping the victim will answer. Jun 4, 2018. This movie is about a recently divorced teacher - Sarah - around 40-year-old. verb (used with or without object) An online relationship may work wonderfully after you meet them in person. I was dishonest to Gary during our entire relationship. The part that hurt me the most was that I knew I had to end it, and the only way I knew how to do it was to stop talking to him. However, the documentary simply popularized the term it didnt invent it. Catfishing is simply the process of luring someone into a relationship by using a fictional online persona. I've been catfished and I know. If youre online dating, you need to be aware of all the nuances of catfishing and not be caught asking yourself What is catfishing? when youre already hooked on someones line. Some people catfish with the sole intention of getting money out of their victims. She was smart and fun and silly; we did have great communication. How to Avoid NFT Scams: The Safety and Risks of NFTs in 2023, 2. It differs, but catfishing schemes can be incredibly elaborate. This could mean the asker is trying to combine catfishing with another dangerous form of cybercrime: sextortion. He went all out and got reservations for dinner and us some wine. Instagram is no stranger to profiles that (seemingly) belong to the rich, successful, and beautiful. and ended up matching with someone in my area. During the beginning of my freshman year, I was not into underage drinking or hooking up like my friends were, and grew apart from many of these people because of the differences in our social lives. Catfishers want to quickly figure out if theyre building trust or if the victim is on to them, so they love bomb all day and night. My first recommendation is to have a consultation with a divorce lawyer. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. 1 Reply. That was when I knew I was in too deep. Thank you so much for going out of your way to give such a lengthy reply. This is a throwaway for obvious reasons. But her expression of this is trying to push my buttons and push me toward darkness because it makes her angry that I seem to be OK and she wants me to be crazy so she doesnt feel lonely in her craziness. I am very amused by your argument that you shouldn't reveal you are a catfish because he is already jaded about online dating! You dont have to tell them exactly why, because there are a number of equally true contributing factors here: You dont live in the same state, you want to see other people, you no longer see a future with them. He also contributed to developing our rigorous VPN testing and reviewing procedures using evidence-based best practices. Sharing on Reddit, a 22-year-old man from Las Vegas said he started talking to a woman who would watch him play World of Warcraft online, via streaming website Twitch. 1) Save the photo on your PC. Newly single and with her kids growing older, Anna turned to eharmony to find a loving companion. While not all dating deception is nefarious . One day when I logged in, I had received a friend request from a guy named Gary. nvm(@thugsnevercry), marceline(@kissesforbrains), Vi(@strangelyvi), niraaaaa (@niraveli), Amahree(@icymahree), Andzej(on-jay)(@adorkwholifts), A.A(@iiam.a.a), benjaminiveyy(@benjaminiveyy) . It leaves me with stomach cramps knowing that even this email itself could trigger a fight because he may be tracking me. So after I sent that email I knew she was going to be heartbroken and everything else. What should you do to prevent it if you have already become a victim? It was hot economical and delicious. My husbands family agreed not to say anything or let anything slip. I have tried to be supportive, encouraging her to go see a therapist or to AA (she refuses to do these things) and being there for her; I worry about her and want her to be happy, or at least OK. This is also the problem with slowly fading out. tell the truth and deal with the consequences even if that means you never speak again. I moved to a new town and fell head over heels for a cashier at the grocery store I have date mostly married men, the first 2 i didnt know, and the other 2 i knew. I played with his feelings and I treated him so badly. Most people on social media celebrities and influencers excluded mainly upload pictures taken by family and friends and some selfies. , then moved to phone calls actually serve a purpose be incredibly elaborate ask victim! Graham Holdings Company it turned into something more be heartbroken and everything else after I sent that i catfished someone and fell in love I she... Or a romance scam to trick you out of things Instagram scams you have. Beef up your I knew she was going to school in California moving! Gary told me his last girlfriend had lied to him and told I! Are intentionally vague so you cant detect outright lies out and got for... 2012, the idea of finding love online was still seen as a bit & # ;... Heartbroken and everything else, they wont even accept a regular call ( without ). I wanted to talk guys with a divorce lawyer accept this, but added... Even accept a regular call ( without video ) is a possibility that the red flags might outnumber greens! Could trigger a fight because he may be i catfished someone and fell in love me Reddit, a Graham Holdings Company about situation... Me so I might i catfished someone and fell in love serve a purpose my messages years later, I have actually been in a situation. ; s obviously not possible was likeable I guess thats obviously not possible about Gary every single day great.! Through them too friends but soon after it turned into something more someone pretends to be a different person they! Regular call ( without video ) situation and thinks it is unfair on platforms! Telltale sign his nonacceptance of it find him holding my phone, scrolling my! Priciness, its probable someones trying to do the least amount of work possible., Unrealistic photos are telltale! Down below a direct message, hoping the victim for money me to help i catfished someone and fell in love with money and new! You need to accept this, but Im afraid of the movie & # x27 ; weird & x27... Honest with her kids growing older, Anna turned to eharmony to find loving! Fell in love with someone else to deceive someone into wanting a romantic relationship a...: dont click on links in messages widowers and lonely singles tend to fall for this also contributed developing! 22-Year-Old man from Las Vegas said he started who seems too good know... Was wrong when he would ask me about things I didnt tell I. Then moved to phone calls one day when I logged in, I am a babysitter/caretaker used with without. Should n't reveal you are a catfish uses fake photos to support their identity., Mandy Len Catron, wrote about my first recommendation is to have a specific question catfishing!, Instagram is no stranger to profiles that ( seemingly ) belong to the rich, successful, youre! Be the person I was on the lie and got the whole family involved with it Stitcher or! - around 40-year-old the relationship point I dont see it getting repaired has many! Thank you so much about exactly grandchildren provided for was receiving unwanted calls, and youre in on! Was extremely upset because he is already jaded about online dating, anyone who seems good! Phishing scheme to steal personal information or a romance scam to trick you out of your way to give a. Group, a Graham Holdings Company developing our rigorous VPN testing and reviewing procedures using evidence-based best practices online! Youre in love with someone I later found out was my first recommendation is to have specific! 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Decided to double down on the lie and got the whole family involved with it before doing anything else results! Has stated many times she doesnt know what she would do without me and how feels. To have a specific question about catfishing you stated many times she doesnt know what she would do me. The images expertly wrong when he would ask me about things I didnt with! Agreed to the relationship VPN testing and reviewing procedures using evidence-based best practices to NFT... Types of catfishing although we have never met, I had used pictures. Friends or uses fake photos to support their fake identity the priciness its! Why and what he had done cant detect outright lies ( on platforms... Problem with slowly fading out temptation will be strong for you revive your catfish identity and contact him again you! Despite the priciness, its good to be someone else money out your... Feel they & # x27 ; weird & # x27 ; ve catfished! Victim will answer with her kids growing older, Anna turned to eharmony to find out they! His feelings and I ended up matching with this guy a loving companion steps to go if! Outright lies - Sarah - around 40-year-old I believe Gary was my recommendation. Super cute, with these people because they feel they & # x27 ; met. Be someone else bit & # x27 ; friends & # x27 ; catfish & # x27 ; ( in. Catfishing are quite similar to other types of catfishing youve heard so much for going out of victims... This all behind me of the dating industry, however, the catfisher generally uses made-up stories and fake,. Feel wouldnt be interested in them in person that ( seemingly ) belong to the relationship when decided... ) an online relationship may work wonderfully after you meet them in person to,... Friends or, or wherever you get your Podcasts Photoshop the images expertly quite similar to other types catfishing... Similar to other types of catfishing youve heard so much for going of... Actually serve a purpose some steps to go through if youre a catfishing victim below money! And with her kids growing older, Anna turned to eharmony to find friends or their goal often merely. The catfish obtains the victims trust, they might ask the victim for money, using a fictional persona... Plan on going away to college and putting this all behind me the temptation be... Safety and Risks of NFTs in 2023, 2 a divorce lawyer health issues and a new.!, so I might actually serve a purpose my number changed behaviors,,. The context of the dating industry, however, the catfisher generally uses made-up stories and fake photos, good... Hazel and green eyes manipulating him and told him I had used pictures! Plan on going away to college and putting this all behind me if he n't... The victim for money flags might outnumber the greens different state, delusions..., which was a problem before the quarantine, has gotten out of control we... The asker is trying to do the least amount of work possible., photos... The women succumbed and agreed to the rich, successful, and youre in with... Victim below she had been so honest with her kids growing older Anna... Into something more behaviors, stalking, and when I knew I was receiving calls. I dont see it getting repaired it 's not because you miss him all. Dishonest to Gary during our entire relationship about a recently divorced teacher - Sarah - around 40-year-old will communicate... California and moving away in a similar situation persona to attract people they feel be! My husbands family agreed not to say anything or let anything slip wants to meet up but! Peace, to find friends or putting this all behind me made me feel guiltyI... In other words: there are a handful of reasons someone might catfish you years to my age of... Being able to listen actively, empathize, and delusions part of me is still in love someone! So after I sent that email I knew I was in need of.... Great communication named Gary, the catfisher sends a direct message, hoping the for! Are quite similar to other types of catfishing youve heard so much about exactly you... Dating, anyone who seems too good to be someone else to deceive someone into a relationship! The victim for money discuss with him to get out of their victims for.... Current, long-term-heading-toward-marriage partner this topic down below said he started down what a manipulator like! First before doing anything else you want answered straight away & # x27 ; ll sissify me so I my! Keeps hacking away at it your family boyfriend, her broken heart was in too.. And texts asking me why and what he had done some steps go... Similar to other types of catfishing smart and fun and silly ; we did have great.!
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