But for him, anniversaries are pointless. Im about to turn 20 in a few months and hes 25, Im afraid i might be a little too naive or wayyy too vulnerable for someone like him. I dont get it. After my birthday on the 2nd I was 16 and he was 18 (not a big age difference and its not illegal where Im at) and so i wanted to meet him in person. Im 22 & hes 25 , why arent we fucking like rabbits? But I understand coz hes really busy at work. I clean, cook, bring him sandwiches to his work, take care of the dog while he does nothing. Oh my God this is so me. You deserve so much more. Is like he is taking his frustration with having no control at work out on me. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. Im so sorry this happened to you. He also said he wanted to get married also but here we are and here I am still unmarried. Now he is deliberately NOT doing it because I keep trying to remind him or motivate him but his thought is that had he known it was going to become one more thing I expect him to do and hound him over he would have told me not to buy it. Im always the one asking him to do something, Im always planning my work schedules around his and swapping shifts etc I just feel like its so one sided sometimes. But nope as well. Hes lives far from me so our relationship was based off of ft. We would stay up all night on the phone and talk and then he slept during the day but he sometimes would call me. Thats hurtful. He was all amazing.. first few months showered me with flowers and gifts then slowly I started to see his true colours. You cant let him be the center of your life! I feel like now hes doing things to purposely piss me off like not talk to me all day or say that Im always starting crap. We usually see each other every weekend but he normally works 6 days a week, 10 hours a day so we actually spend less than 24 hours a week with each other. WebiStock. Hes never really posted pictures of us on social media and hes been very non intimate. He has always been so sweet and consistent. It wasnt any thing bad. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now.I think were quite compatible cause we dont fight much and understand each other. but he declined and even accused me as a selfish and demanding girlfriend. Im going through the same thing now. First off I pulled back without warning. When I ask, he gives me some reasons. Since then my boyfriend has made no effort in our relationship. Show that you love them, laugh, argue, help eachother. I tried to tell him how rude that was and he didnt understand where I was coming from and proceeded to tell me I was making a big deal about it. Your email address will not be published. Since Ive moved in with him Ive noticed a big change in things. Advice? We havent had sex on a Saturday in about a year. Honestly, I cant feel good about myself because I gave an attention hungry narcissist permission to treat me like crap for 7 years. But hes not very ambitious and is a homebody which Im sure comes from pot smoking, makes u lazy. Me and my boyfriend are reaching our 2 year anniversary and I dont know how I feel anymore, hes changed. Also, when we have problems hell shut me out and not talk about it anymore. So in my situation, I live with my boyfriend for about a year now in which we did move too fast because we moved in together after about 6 months of dating. Ugh. I miss him terribly. i understand with everything going on it is hard, but that was an issue with my ex-husband after we had kids. But he feels that I would have a better chance getting a job were he lives then him getting a Job where I live but thats not the point. His emotions are totally unregulated. I feel like he is not making me a priority in his life. he briefly mentioned his bad experience with exes, he had two years marriage and he said he felt it was too long. I said we work on it or we end it. But even after reminding him of that, nothing happen. Im not asking for much, just some normal effort. Its more about him being a hero. Theres little to no effort. Today he also told me that he was not ready to spend so much time on a relationship. He sent a text yesterday telling me,he is still with me and will always be with me,he loves me and needs me,but he is still a bit distant! Were both in high school now. Im a modest gal. The moment we start falling in love with spending time alone, and with good friends, spend more time away from him, but still caring for them when we are available, that way, if he is truly someone worth being with and if he truly loves you, he will be the one missing you being curious of what exciting things you are up to. Another thing is when Im at his house, I help him do things as far as remodeling a business, such as painting, knocking plaster off the walls, moving very large windows, doors, fireplace mantels, etc. Insulting me, asking me if I wrote in my little journal for today that my goal is to stop asking him for stuff?? You have to be more understanding. Here we are stuck in the same pattern, he is hot and heavy in our relationship one month, then goes cold out of nowhere. We actually ended up breaking up and I tried to distance myself. I tried talking to him about it and he was very dismissive with just an okay, I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3years now but he hasnt prioritized me..his family always comes first, whereas i do the most work, im there for him emotionally, physically financially sometimesbut I always come last on his list he is a good guy and he respects me and all but im jst tired cos he doesnt spend on me.Then i met another guy who will give me his eyeballs as soon as i ask for them but he is very disrespectful and selfish wen it comes to my feelings.. he is always the right one.. if I complain of being ignored till his convenience he jst ignores me some more and comes back to say Im sorry babe i love you and thats it..I really dont know what to do.. please help me. (Probably why she fell in love with another man) now its like he is determined for me to not become selfish. Please give me some advice pleaaaase. And thats is the absolute best you can do. If these are things that are important to her and not you, maybe you all arent the best fit. We fight a lot almost every week because my needs are not met. I have asked him to write more often if we do not physically meet so often, but I dont want to keep pushing him for more attention. Is it bad that I miss being just friends with him?. A relationship is 50/50. There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. My 30th birthday was two days ago. I just dont know what to do. I realised hes never going to change, no matter how many times Ive brought it up. Hes making a shit ton of money now and its (seems to be) working out well so Id have thought his aside, mood, all that Stress effecting his energy and sex drive .. Would have gotten better. I got up today and did mine in bed, he continued browsing the web on his phone which is all he does now when we are together. I dont want to settle or compromise my own feelings anymore..And you shouldnt either. Is he older? I dont know what to do. He I have been with my boyfriend 15 years and yes he is still boyfriend no engagement no wedding haha. Its almost like when he couldnt have me he would try hard and now he has me and he doesnt have to put in anymore effort. If this doesnt work for you if he disrespects, ignores, or even abuses you then you need to decide what to do. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. After that we were so in love and we talked all the time everyday. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. Nothing. There is no consistency. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. This person flakes when we have plans even after I said that Im not here for that. My boyfriend and I started with a lot of stress in our relationship. Not material things, but being romantic on special occasions. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. He is mechanical and can fix many things. Yesterday he spent the whole day replaying to every single text with yeah or k. And mind you the beginning of relationship we always traveled and did things together. From what you said, he seriously dont appreciate you. Hes an atheist, and slowly his mocking of God and Christianity began to affect my own believes. I appreciate when he does make effort and try to acknowledge it but it quickly goes away like he doesnt mean it. He just doesnt make an effort to ask me to do things. Hi Beyza! I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. Im afraid the only way we can turn this scenario upside down is by starting to love and care about ourselves more. He will want to know why youve stopped texting and he will be determined to get your attention. You have the power to change someone very important in your life. I made it to the driveway before I felt so uncomfortable I ran inside to put on jeans and a tee shirt. He Found Someone Else. Do not sound attacking or desperate. Right now I feel like Im an inconvenience to him. After going through with this behaviour for around 3 months (I was going insane) I caught him lying and speaking to a number of females behind my back as more than just friends. Gaslighting, deflecting if I try to reasonably communicate how I feel (because I am not allowed to ever have a problem). I didnt hear from him till early Sunday morning when I drunk texted him. Its also about giving a relationship the time If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. You dont have to change your personality, but you may need to change your expectations. I take it very personally and feel disrespected by this, alone, that he has such little respect for my comfort or opinion of him he just doesnt bother but he will shower and shave and brush his hair even to go get a haircut. Idk what to do anymore. Im Im confused and at this point I almost miss being just friends because then he would try harder. He works a lot sometimes so I understand he is tired, but he always wants me to come over his house. The worst of all, Hes so Unforgiven, if we have misunderstanding ill sent a text of apology, after that ill try to call him, but, he wont pickup on several occasions. He even had a heartbreaking confession that he has been going through the years. Men have convinced themselves that their behavior, or lack thereof,is an acceptable form of the love they claim to feel for a woman because we as women gave them the power to choose to face themselves like women do OR be a coward and avoid the part of themselves that isnt always pretty and shovel it into the mind and soul of a women who is willing to suck and swallow upon his command. Im feeling pained and upset with myself the concessions Ive made and feeling as though theres no room for compromise. He knows im going to have sex with him if he initiates it because im 36 years old and NEVER EVER EVER have sex. I always drive to his and he never makes an effort to go to me. However, he has never been one to put in huge amounts of effort. He tells me that he loves me very much and I know he does. It is too immature an attitude for a 56 year old intelligent man. They are both in their 40s and are so happy to find each other. What happened now Millie? I thought that would be an isolated incident but it happened again this weekend. I love him so so much and I LOVE spending time with him. Sister, dump his ass How it seems he is not all down for you, and using you just to get what he wants. Rather than jumping to conclusions, have a conversation with your partner and ask them what's been on their mind and the reasons for their apparent loss of interest. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. I question why after knowing what he knows, he wont even try to talk to me. He would always build my hopes up before we call and end up forgetting or when he calls, hes either that hes going to bed or do so while playing his games throughout the call and not pay attention even when i have something to share which hurt my feelings. He foes sweet thoughtfulthings when I come over yo see him. Don't make it "your fault." By lack of effort I mean that its almost like pulling teeth to get him to plan weeks ahead to figure out when we will be able to see eachother. I recently just been promoted to a great job.. Help. SHE STILL HAD HER HARNOUS ON HER. But have to understand yourself mentality first because if not you will lose yourself in the process. But Ive just always felt like im not one of his priorities. Nothing cleaned up, ingredients still on the counter, and not one thing made for me to eat.. and even better, after letting me in the door, not a how was work. His excuse was that he had no time because of work. You can go through the next 10 years like this cause this man is not miraculously going to change.do not for 1 minute think he is going to suddenly wake up and be who you want him to be. In love with another man ) now its like he is taking his frustration with having no control at.. From what you said, he has been going through the years I realised hes never really pictures! 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